Anonymous
What is depression?
This is hard to answer
You see
No one on the outside looking in
Will ever be able to completely understand
But I’ll try my best
Depression is a disease that feasts on your brain
It eats at your hope
Taking it before it can ever reach you
Telling you every small thing
Is a big thing
Telling you nothing will ever change
Nothing will ever get better
So stop trying
There’s no point in trying
Depression is almost missing the bus
Because it took you half an hour to convince yourself to get out of bed
Not because you’re lazy
But because you lack motivation
You lack energy
And everything feels pointless
Depression is walking around the hallways on auto pilot
A plastic smile
Plastered to your face
Praying no one will notice your tired eyes
Or the downward twitch of your lips
It’s laughing with your friends
When you don’t feel like laughing
It’s being terrified they hate you
Or are annoyed by you
Or just tolerate you
Rather than actually like you
Because it tells you that you are worthless and nobody cares
It’s needing to be loved and reminded
Over and over
That you are
And that you matter
And still not believing it
It’s all the times you’ve said
“I’m fine, just tired, just stressed,”
“I’m okay really,”
When inside you are fighting
To not break down on the spot
When you are fighting to move your feet
Your feet which you honestly do not trust
To hit the floor in the mornings
Without shattering on impact
Your body following it
It’s having a panic attack in the shower through your sobs
It’s crying yourself to sleep
It’s struggling with sending your friend a text when you are struggling
You don’t want to be seeking attention
It’s having no self control
It’s being constantly afraid of what the people around you are thinking
It’s never knowing
It’s spending each day
Walking on eggshells
Praying
You won’t break
Praying
they won’t see that you are weak
Praying
you can get through another day
Without incident
Without a full on episode
It’s feeling completely alone
While standing in a sea of people
It’s the thing that constantly demands attention
It demands to be written
To be noticed
To be heard
When you just want it to go away
Depression is
feeling unsafe in your own skin