By: Kalee Farrell

 

Ever since I was little

I believed in you

Hoped and prayed things would get better

That you would get better

At first for your sake

Then for my mom’s and my aunts and my uncle’s sake

Now I have just given up

Because God has the power to heal and redeem

But sadly, if you don’t want it

It won’t happen

And I don’t think you will ever want it

 

You only see your pain

Sometimes real

Most of the time made up

And I don’t know completely how your childhood was

I don’t know, nor do I understand what has caused you to be this way

What I do know, or at least partly know, is the effect you have had on your children

And their children

See, you have made yourself a never healing scar on the backs of your offspring

Something hidden

But still felt

It cannot be ignored

You cannot be ignored

 

You speak a language called passive aggressive

Trying to drill cruel words and insults into your children’s minds and hearts without being obvious

Leaving them hurt and insecure

Their souls locked in a cage

Their wings clipped

Constantly in pain

Knowing their life could have been different

They could have been happier had their mother not snipped every shred of confidence that once resided inside of them

 

Does it mean nothing to you that you have caused so much pain and damage?!

That you have left so much wake in your path?

Or can you only see yourself?

No one is denying that you have been hurt

And you have been hurting

But that is no excuse for the way you have treated people you claim to love

I have watched my mother cry over you

Over the fact a good relationship with you seems to be impossible

And that is not okay

You are a mother

You are supposed to wipe away tears

Not cause them

 

And I watch as over and over they let you back in

Forgive you

But then you go and again open a wound that was finally beginning to heal

You sabotage the lives of your loved ones

And then pretend it was them who hurt you

But what you don’t understand i they are not hurting you

They are trying to protect themselves from you

They are trying to protect themselves from you

Do you understand how completely and utterly screwed up that is?

A child should not have to protect themselves from their mother.

You have selfishly deprived your children of one of the most important relationships a person can have

 

I will continue to pray for you

And hold on to a tiny spark of hope that somehow you will change and evolve

And I forgive you for the wreckage you have created

But I do not feel sorry for you

You do not deserve the sympathy you crave so badly

I do not feel sorry for you